Don't make your stepkids' mom on of your facebook friends.
Just trust me on this one. Even though I know she is obviously their mother, and that she obviously has every right to post about them on facebook, and she has every right to have her profile picture of them and her hugging, it still really stings to see and read.
DSSs' BM (biological mother) has always worked weird hours, until about six month ago. Then she started working regular hours that now allow her to be present at sporting events and the like. Which is great for DSSs, right? Of course! But to me (in my very humble opinion) it almost seems as if she is trying too hard now. It's like she realized how much she had missed out on in their life, and now is trying to prove to everyone what a great mom she is. (Disclaimer: BM is a very good mom. She clearly loves her kids, and I do not deny that or begrudge her that in any way shape or form. This is simply a vent.) For example, she was not able to attend many of DSS1's soccer games before this year. When she did come to games, I'm not entirely certain all the other parents knew who she was. This year, she has been at every game (which is great) but now she seems to go out of her way to show everyone she is their mom. She coaches from the bleachers (for a sport which she has never played, understands the basics of, but doesn't know the finer points) and every time DSS gets the ball, she says, "Come on, baby." Every freaking time. No other parent does something like that. Sometimes I just want to say, "Yes, we all know that is your son, now shut up and let the rest of us enjoy the game."
Or, what really prompted this vent in the first place, this morning she posted on facebook how much she LOVED working a job that allowed her to get her kids ready for school in the morning. Please rub in the infertile's face how great of a mom you are. It really starts my day off right!
So yeah, there is my unsolicited infertile stepmom advice. Think twice before expanding your facebook friends list.
Really? Are you seriously saying that this mom is "trying too hard" to make it known that she is their mother and she's being more involved??? Im sorry I was nodding along to each and every one of your entries, and I was liking you and the way you wrote...until i read that! First off, the biological mother was not involved or at any of the games because she was WORKING to PROVIDE for her children. Its not like she was a jerk and decided not to be present in their lives because she was off vacationing or hanging out with her new boyfriend...and now that she's had her fun she wants to be present in her kids lives again. The woman was working. Im sure while she was working and missing soccer games she was probably really upset over it. It probably killed her inside! Of course now she is "trying too hard" because she IS their mother lol. Of course she wants to make it known and start being super involved and make up for lost time! Wouldn't you do the same if the roles were reversed??? It seems like you're kind of jealous and in the back of your head I'm sure you're a little disappointed that she's not working 24/7 anymore because now you dont get to play house with her kids. Im sorry if I'm being mean or insensitive, but I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my first child. My parents are divorced, and my stepmom was unable to have her own kids. She is so bitter and always disses on my mom and how she parented me. And it ticks me off because its just bitterness and jealousy and misery bleeding out of her. If you've never carried a child, and bonded with a growing baby inside you, and then pushed the baby out and were smacked with the realization that this child literally came from your body and is literally a part of you that is now roaming the earth, then you can't possibly understand why a mother is doing what she's doing with/for her kids. When you become pregnant, your brain chemistry actually changes (this is a scientific fact)- Biologically, the hormones and chemicals that are released and coursing through your veins during pregnancy actually unlock certain parts of your brain that were not active before- thats where motherly instincts come from. You just can't even fathom the love and care these women have for their children. So please, dont diss on this woman because she's being a mom. The only reason she couldn't before is because she was WORKING. And she was most likely working FOR her kids.
ReplyDeleteomg i just finished reading that post and i can't even tell you how gross you sound. you're complaining that she is coaching her children from the bleachers because she's never played the game before? Is that real life? Is that seriously a thought that you formed in your brain? You want her to shut up and stop cheering on her children? You're pissed that she is happy she gets to get her kids ready for school in the morning?????? Omg. How selfish are you?! 1st off- that is really good for her children. The fact that you want her to not be there for them is really selfish of you because its NOT in the children's best interest. A child should always be with their mother. This poor woman was probably distraught that she never got to spend time with her kids, after she went through 18 months (I'm assuming she has two kids) of pure misery that is pregnancy and then went through labor and delivery which is misery as well, and THEN most likely was up all night with her babies because she was probably scared out of her mind because of SIDs- you have no idea what its like to have a child omg. The worry and anxiety is all-consuming. From the moment i got pregnant all i think about is going into the ultrasound and being told something was wrong. Or thinking "is she moving enough?" "is she moving too much?" All the scary parts of giving birth..the risk of stillborn...SIDs...cancer...down syndrome...car accidents..omg you haven't a freaking clue lady! So this poor woman went through all that and then wasn't even able to "be" a mom because she was working 24/7...she has EVERY SINGLE RIGHT to be obnoxious. She has EVERY SINGLE RIGHT to be happy when she gets to spend more time with her kids! She has every right to cheer them on and be that "annoying" mom. I wish you would put yourself in her shoes because i bet if you had a little baby you would be "that" mom, too! God you really really need to get some counseling. I know this is an old post and i hope that you either worked out your fertility issues and were able to have your own children or that you at least got some therapy and spoke to a professional psychiatrist to help you let go of your bitterness and anger. I feel really sorry for you. And to be honest, if i was the BM id tell you to fuck off and stay the hell away from my children !
ReplyDeletePlease disregard the negative comments above me by the people who feel they have the right to judge your feelings. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you. I just ran accross your blog tonight, but I can't stop reading. Thank you, because of your blog... tonight I don't feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Megan. As a step mom who has been trying to conceive for about a year, I totally understand how hard these things are. And there are few people you can vent to who don't make you feel wicked for feeling this way. Thank you for helping me through a particularly dark moment with your writing.
ReplyDelete