Had an email in my inbox that literally brought tears to my eyes. It was a Facebook notification email, and the subject line said, "DSS2 listed you as his mother on Facebook".
It makes me so happy when they think of me as a mom. When DSS1 introduced me to someone one day, he said, "This is my mom." As an infertile woman, who may never get to have a biological child, these small moments light my world. It is a taste of what mothers get every day, and it makes me long for more. More of the same from DSSs, more from the children we hope to add to our family, more of the love of a family that I have always craved.
At my sister-in-law's house a few weeks ago, I was sitting on her (super comfy) couch watching tv, and DSS1 came and curled up next to me with his head on my shoulder, and I scratched his head. He's twelve, and won't be cuddly like that for much longer, so I eat it up when I can. But as I was sitting there, the thought came to me - If I never get to have a biological child, is this enough? Could I be happy with the life of loving someone else's children as my own? In the past, that answer was always no. But for the first time, it seemed to me that yes, I could be happy. If I spent the rest of my life only loving DSSs as if I gave birth to them, I could die a contented, complete woman.
That thought kind of scared me a bit. It scares me that I may be reaching the acceptance stage of infertility's grieving cycle. Don't misunderstand - I am not ready to give up yet by any means, but there is a little inkling of thought somewhere in the back of my mind that I could live a full, happy life even without ever giving birth.
I'm new to your blog but encouraged to hear that thought is there, if only an inkling. I'm in that spot, too, only without step children...considering adoption and wondering if I'll feel fulfilled or if life is sometimes just about accepting things as they are (meaning no kids at all). All the best to you on your journey!
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