...your children will never be as important to DH as the ones he has with another woman.
If you think about it, it almost makes sense. I know DH never intended to be a part-time parent. If it were up to him (and me), we'd have DSSs here every day instead of just half the week. We have had conversations about this before - if and when we ever do get to have children together, he still wants to be able to focus on the boys just as much as he always has.
Tonight however, the conversation came about because an opening has become available for a position at DH's work. It's a job that I think he would enjoy, and he has toyed with trying to get into this division for awhile. He was telling me the pros and cons of going for it, and one of the cons is that this job does require some travel, and he doesn't want to miss stuff the boys are involved in (soccer, basketball, etc.) because of this new job.
I was trying to point out that if he really wants the job, that he shouldn't let that deter him from applying for it, because in theory, this will be an issue for approximately the next twenty years. His response, "well but the boys are used to having me around for everything." The conversation pretty much ended there.
So it would be ok if he got the job after the boys were graduated, but before our kids were in stuff, because our kids wouldn't by nature expect him to be at everything? It's hard, because I know he feels guilty about not being able to be there for them every moment of every day. But at the same time, just because our child will be with us everyday, they are not as entitled to his attention? How do you explain that to a toddler? "No honey, sorry, Daddy doesn't want to play with you tonight because your brothers are here." Yeah, that child won't grow up with issues.
And then, to top off this conversation, the phone rang. It was a toll-free number on the caller ID, and I answered it. (Quite honestly, I was hoping I could take out my frustration on some poor telemarketer.) It was, of all things, what I assume to be a bill collector. FOR DH'S EX-WIFE! And it wasn't even a real person, but an automated message. "This is XYZ calling for [ex-wife]. If you are [ex-wife] press one to hear this information. If you are not [ex-wife] but would like to put this call on hold to get [ex-wife] to the phone, press two. Para el espanol..." Which button do I press to yell at a real live person, "That woman does not live here, she has never lived here, and you had better never call here looking for her again!" I had to settle for slamming down the receiver with profane energy.
Please don't misunderstand. I actually have a very good relationship (as does DH) with the ex-wife. And believe me, when I see how some of my friends have to go through with their ex's, I am grateful for that. It's just that some nights that bitter, jealous monster comes out. And isn't it better to take it out on the stupid bill collector than to take it out on DH?
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